The Weeping Rose

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to think, what to feel, what to sing, what to hope... I have changed so much... Could you still love me? Can you still be happy with me? I am different, I don't think I am the same person you fell in love with. My thoughts and dreams have changed... I have gone from knowing to... to... I don't know what. I used to think I knew who I am/was, but now everything is different. I can't help but think...thinkthinkthink, all the time, every second, deeper, questioning, wondering, deeperdeeper: what do you want? What have I done? Why can't I just leave it all alone and just live? Why do I have to think too far into things, why do I have to find a reason for everything? Sometimes things are just done or decided for no reason at all, just because they are or just because something is felt. I now over obsess.

I can't believe you're not sick of me. I can't believe that you love the person that I am now as much as you loved the person that I once was. I had always hoped that I wouldn't change in the ways that I have. I had always thought that I could avoid it, but it is encountered too much. And you have rubbed off on me. I haven't decided whether or not I like it, whether or not the traits are my own, or whether they are just your traits that I have adopted because they're yours. Whether they are traits that I have adopted because they are apart of me or what I will be morphing into.

Sometimes I think it just might be better if I ended it, or if you ended it. That you would eventually find someone more compatible, more the person you're looking for. If you are looking for the person I once was, that has now mostly become a mask, a shell, but that seems to be what you have always been attracted to (I don't know, it may come back once I figure this out). I'm not sure if I can really make you happy, and I'm starting to wonder if you're thinking the same thing deep down and trying to ignore it, bury it, or persuade me into what you want.

I have tried to make you happy with who I am. I know that I do make you happy, but do I make you happy with who I am? Do you enjoy the person I am/have become... because that has not been so obvious, especially of recent.

Of late you seem to be focusing more on our differences than who we are. You seem to focus on beginnings more than endings. You seem to have opinions about things that you know nothing about, and it confuses me when you're so passionate because I feel like I should be sharing these opinions...




what...

posted by The Shadowpax @ 6:41 PM